I remember meeting this one man who was brave enough to tell me this problem he had been having. And I respected him, because it wasn't a simple problem you could look up online and try to remedy, it was more of a story, but still without an ending.

He first told me, that when he was growing up, there wasn't as much diversity where he lived or where he went to school, and as such, there weren't many different types of groups. But even though he could have joined the popular groups just fine, he didn't. Instead, he tried to hang out with the less popular groups that interested him the most, even if they weren't interested in him.

But in the middle of middle school, his family had to move away, and he found himself in an area with a lot more different people. The school was quite welcoming, and after some time, he found a relatively small group of friends he felt comfortable hanging out with.

Middle school came to a close, and high school arrived not long after, opening the door for him to meet many more people than he had before. For a while, he stuck with his middle school friend group, but as time went on, most of them found their own interests and people, separate from his, and it was time for him to do the same.

His findings led him to a small group of mostly older kids with his same interests, which made him happy, because they were different than anyone he had met before. His time with them was mostly spent in school, and while it was fun, it was relatively short, because of their seniority, and most of the group graduated at the end of that school year. For a while, there was an opportunity of another friend group, which seemed interesting to him, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough to take a leap of faith to join them.

With the friends his age that remained from the previous group, one of them tried to expand it with some of their outer friends, which gave him hope for new friends and possibilities, a small group he could be friends with through the rest of high school. Online, he had fun talking with them, and could only imagine what it would be like in person.

It wasn’t the same in person though, because there was often controversy, and drama, and misunderstanding, but it was all he had, so he accepted it as it was, even though it was slowly piecing apart. Eventually, two of the kids left the friend group, not to return, and they all slowly stopped talking after that.

He was still interested in the original group though, so he talked to the original girl who brought everyone together more, and eventually, they developed a relationship. He started to learn more about her, and had a fun and exciting time while being with her.

In time, it only seemed to get worse and worse, bit by bit. Her feelings bordered hopelessness, and as he kept trying to help her, the relationship seemed to get more and more hopeless too. But it was too much for him, and as much as he hoped for the best, he broke it off.

Until the end of high school, he didn't feel the same. His inherit closeted nature had only worsened with his decisions of friends he had made, and went back to some of his previous middle school friends to feel some comfort. It wasn't the same, but it was better than no one. Still, he couldn't shake the dread from his everyday mood, and graduation was on the horizon.

And that was about the time I found him, and after a month or so of getting to know each other, he told me all of this. I could tell it took some courage to begin to tell me, but after he finished, he was almost in tears trying to talk to me. He asked, "I've cornered myself in a hole of seclusion, and it's all my fault. Everyone I've tried to make friends with always has to have a problem or go away. There are so many other paths I could have taken, but they just didn't feel right. I could have been with the popular boys, or the other group I could have joined sophomore year, but no, I chose a group of problems. I don't wanna be this way, but it's what I've led myself to. Why am I interested in the least popular kind of people? Why do I try to find hope for the hopeless?

I told him, "You are far from lost. So many others have made decisions they would later regret, but that doesn't mean those decisions didn't give you experience for the future. Life isn't a expected path of friends and bliss, it's a wild ride with ups and downs, and this just happens to be a down. Regret is funny thing, because it's much like a feedback loop, which keeps making you feel worse and worse, but it doesn't have to be that way. Everyone takes their own time to figure out who they are and who their people are, and as soon as you realize that you have a whole world of new people you have yet to meet, I'm sure you'll start to feel better. Not everyone knows the answers to life, or even the answers to who they are, but by trying to the be the best you can be, you'll slowly understand more and more. Sometimes you'll have to be uncomfortable in order to be comfortable. But what you've gained is just what you've need to know, and that's a better understanding of who you are and who you want to be as a person. You also now know what kind of group you want to be apart of based on the past groups you've been apart of, and can now search for that. Life has a funny way of having you meet the best people when you least expect it, so always keep that hope.