Discord's been one hell of a place, so I might as well write some things too all my friends on it :)

I look through what people have said in the past, whether that be images, quotes, or announcements, and I can't help but feel happy, hopeful. Sometimes I happen upon screenshots I've saved of conversations years past, not knowing at the time that those screenshots would be the last evidence of those conversations left. It's almost relief, knowing that period of time which seemed so long ago did in fact exist, and I was in fact there. Something I can point to and say "I was there! I was apart of that."

People change. It's only natural. The vast interconnected network of reasoned decisions we call society allows us to "touch" other people through conversation, know who they are at that point in time, and if we want, get to know them even more. There's something about a mostly text-based, anonymous social media like Discord which gives a sense of mystery to everyone. I think that's why I stayed on it. Once you're on long enough, you scroll through your direct messages history and find a user you used to talk with alot, yet barely recognize their name or profile anymore. This mystery can turn into almost a sense of attraction, opportunity, or role modelness. It doesn't matter what the person behind the screen looks like, what matters is how they present themself to others in their own way, and the friendships they make along the way. You look back and you see all the people you've met, all the possible friends, almost gone. Just a profile stuck in time that likely won't come back online any time soon.

I think that's why the past interests me so much. The nostalgia of it, maybe. I always find myself trying to record it, remember it, because I'm able to now, and god knows it might not be available in the future. If you've ever talked with me for long enough, you'd know I don't leave servers, or close dms with people I don't like, or even leave group chats if I'm the last one in them, because there's a little bit of all of those messages that's history, that's something I've built upon to get where I am today. The brain is an amazing machine, but it's not perfect. It can remember feelings, but maybe not the small conversations had between old friends, where you might have said some stupid stuff you'd want to reminisce on. I also keep a spreadsheet with data from discord servers I've been in heavily, chart their activeness month to month, week to week, and for one server, day to day (I stopped 4 months in, don't worry). On the second page, I've made a rough timeline, from February 2018, my account creation, to today, of all the "major servers" I considered myself to be in. Albeit, any servers I was in before Summer of 2020 are a blur, which is why there aren't many before then.

One might think I refer to these old server memories as "the good old days", but in all honesty, I don't like that saying. it implies the past was a better time, and the future has only gotten worse, but the past is not without its faults. Anger, ignorance, chaos, all still existed then. Hardships and arguments between friends happened, if you think back to impactful memories, I'm sure you can remember them well. People aren't perfect, especially when younger, and just getting on a site like Discord. You might have laughed at humor you wouldn't have laughed at now, had fun with some users you would one day grow to hate, and acted rudely toward certain users who you realized didn't really do anything wrong at all. Your behavior and morals have changed since then, but your memories about the past haven't. It really is out of "rose tinted glasses" as the saying goes.

But that doesn't mean they were bad times, either. Through the midst of hardship and problem, there are patches of happy times, and hopefulness. People you remembered you could always look forward to and have a good time with, a community that had promise to it, because it alot of good traits lined up just right, and therefore, feelings of opportunity arose. And I think that's where I feel that sense of happiness toward the past. Because of that "opportunity" that could have been had with those past people; regret, almost. But alas, people change. Life changes, and friend groups too. It's up to you to choose the people you want to become better friends with, because you have enough experience to know how to do it, and enough skill to see that potential through observing others. Recognize, and cherish good times you have with friends, really. Nothing is perfect, but it can get pretty damn close, and life has a funny way of having us to find new friends through other friends. Don't try to involve yourself in someone else's problems, but when confronted with one, think it through, don't act rashly. Other people act the way they do for a reason, and once you realize what those are, you can get to the bottom of their argument, through all the other mumbo they might say, and make a decision to resolve it from there. Once again, no decision is perfect, but with enough knowledge, you can make a pretty damn good one. I'll take comfort in recording the past, that way when some communities die out, peacefully, hopefully, I'll recall that time I touched other people through the web, and experienced most of what I wanted to with them.

And as always, thank you for reading :)